Merry & Bright

I have never been the type to rush the holidays. Don’t ask me in September what my daughter is going to be on Halloween, and don’t ask me if I’ve decorated for Christmas before I have taken a bite of turkey on Thanksgiving. If a Christmas song comes on the iPod before December 1^st it will be skipped over in our house. That has always been my opinion on these things. But then 2020 happened.

I was in Bath & Body Works a week or two ago with my daughter and my husband and as soon as we walked inside the store my mood shifted. The store was beautifully decorated, Christmas songs were pumping through the speakers and the smell all around can only be described as Christmas. Whether it was their Christmas Cookie candle, or the warm scents of soaps and lotions, it was Christmas everywhere. And I instantly felt happy. I looked at my daughter and her eyes were wide with amazement. She said ‘Mommy, can we stay here for a while?’, and I replied, ‘Baby, I want to live here right now!’.

And that was the truth. I wanted to stay in that moment of pure bliss for a lot longer than I needed to. I wanted the scents and the sounds to absorb into my skin and my soul and replace all of the negativity and shit that has been there for all of these months. And I truly believed it could do that. It was like a drug and I wanted to inhale as much as I could to keep that high for as long as I could. It really was magical. Stepping into that store was like stepping into another world where only happiness and sparkles were allowed. Who wouldn’t want to stay there for a while?

There’s so much negativity in the world right now. So much doom and gloom and I get it, I really do. Things just suck, it’s that simple. But we’ve gotten so accustomed to this shit that no one looks for the positive anymore. No one looks to find a bright spot. And with the stress of the holidays coming I fear it will only get worse. Birthday celebrations have been taken away from us, weddings have been postponed; it’s like we have nothing to look forward to anymore. Or we do but we’re afraid to get excited for fear of it being taken away. As an adult, I can deal with things. I don’t always do it well or in a positive way but I deal with it nonetheless. Kids can’t always do that. They don’t completely understand everything. All they know is that their routine, their little life, has changed in some ways, some bigger than others. As parents, we have tried to make their life as normal as we can, but it hasn’t always been easy.

At Easter no one knew if the Easter Bunny was going to come. We didn’t know if we could get to the store to buy the candy, or to decorate the eggs. In our house he came, I felt like he had to. I didn’t feel right taking that away from my daughter if I didn’t 1,000% have to, so we made it work. There’s not even talk about Santa not coming, about Christmas being cancelled. That is not an option, at least not in our house. Christmas beats out all of the other holidays and not just because of the gifts. My daughter even knows that’s not what it’s about. It’s not just one day, it truly is its own little season. It’s that time between fall and winter that has its own sights, sounds and smells. It’s magic and to see it through my daughter’s eyes gives it a new meaning to me. Kids just see the beauty in everything even when the rest of us can’t. We can complain about a million things and a child will counter that with at least one good thing and that is amazing. For just a second, if we all saw things through the vision of a child’s eyes, we would feel so much better.

When we left the store, I had come to a decision. Our Christmas season was going to start earlier than usual. Thanksgiving doesn’t even need to happen for me, let’s skip it and go straight to Christmas. Let Christmas be celebrated for an entire month. While I was cooking that night a Christmas song came on the iPod and we let it play. My daughter and I danced in the kitchen and now she can’t wait to hear her favorite Kelly Clarkson Christmas song. I also told her she could start watching Christmas movies and the happiness on her face made everything feel right in the world. Right now, she is watching The Santa Clause 3. And the TV has been on a constant loop of Curious George’s Christmas, House of Mouse, and Mickey’s Once & Twice Upon a Christmas, and I’ve never been happier to watch them with her. We told her we could decorate the house this weekend. The light in her eyes, the smile on her face, the happiness that pours out of her body is worth more than anything to me.

I don’t want to hear about numbers rising, I don’t want to talk about statistics, I just want to close the door on all of that. For my sanity, for my inner peace. I don’t know how things will be next month; a part of me doesn’t even care. If I’m locked inside on Christmas Day that would be fine with me. No stress, no drama, no negativity. Just me, my husband and my daughter. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on the table. I have everything I need. Blast some Christmas music in the background and it sounds perfect to me.